Sleepless Night
I couldn’t sleep Tuesday night. The FOURTH mom in ONE week had asked me my thoughts on anxiety medication and whether I felt it was “right” for them. In the last year I’ve been asked that question at least seven times. I have no idea what is “right” for someone else. Lord, it’s taken almost every bit of my 43 years on this planet to decipher what is right for me! Yet I know why they were asking me. We are stressed. We are running so fast and so hard that when the panic (whatever the panic may be) hits, we feel out of control and unable to ‘cope.’ Open up Facebook and many feel panicked. The nonstop hamster wheel of comparison is enough to make anyone feel the need for Xanax! Our lives, our marriages, our parenting, our bodies, our mere existence just sometimes feels inadequate in the face of so many images of happiness and success. Even if the social media comparison game isn’t your particular version of what causes anxiety, there are a million reasons why we feel sped up and incapable of feeling internal peace and quiet.
It also occurred to me that it’s Fall. Fall is likely to bring about a lot of feelings, especially for parents. It’s the end of summer. The start of school. Our children getting another year older. Those same children in different phases of life than ever before. Some are looking at this being the last year of kids being in their home before college. Others are sending their firstborn (or last born) off to kinder. Sports (especially in Texas!) that create much havoc in an already overloaded schedule. Weekends that are consumed by said sports. Don’t even get me started on how to maintain a healthy body while simultaneously trying to do the same for kids. And when do you sleep? And finish home projects? And keep a paying job? Oh, you are having marital problems and considering divorce, too? It’s no surprise that people are feeling their feels and sometimes this means a sense of overwhelming panic, not being in control, and general anxiety.
Three hours into not sleeping, I was able to structure in my mind what I believe all of these people were really asking me. What they are really seeking. The thing that meds might possibly bring them. It’s the number one answer for anyone who calls me for a coaching consultation. It’s peace. What they are really asking is, “Is it possible for me to experience peace?” “Is it possible to not lay awake at night and worry about everything?” “Will I always feel this sense of panic, or is there another way?”
I have no idea if anyone should take medicine or not, but I know that I no longer suffer from mind crippling anxiety. If I lay awake at night now it’s because my deepest self is speaking to me and with a life as busy as mine sometimes it’s the only time I listen! So, how did I go from being a woman who worried about everything; the perfectionist; the never balanced and always one step away from a melt down to a fairly calm (those closest to me might argue this!), centered, and free from anxiety, woman? Quite frankly it happened in phases. But, I will let you in on a few of the key things I’ve done.
First, and the very first thing that my coach taught me, was how to meditate. The suggestion had been made to me over and over again in my life but I never once thought I could sit still for more than 10 seconds without climbing out of my skin. Yet, this simple practice has literally changed my life. Within a few days of setting aside 30 minutes each morning, I literally felt my body calming down, my thoughts became clearer and I felt more peaceful on a day to day basis. Mind you, I was going through an initial separation from my ex with a 2, 5, & 7 year old so this was a BIG DEAL!!! I had more stress on me than ever before but somehow I was handling it differently. I still meditate daily. It is life giving. It staves off anxiety, panic, overwhelm and life stressors. There are a 1000 ways to meditate and I teach all of my clients the simple method that I was taught. There is no “right,” way to do it, so just open up to the possibility of trying it to see if it helps. Look online or if you have questions, just ask me!
The other game changer in my life is something I wrote about months ago. Each year I make a point to identify what my #1 priority is. It may change and it may stay the same and sometimes there are two, but I always ask the question about what in my life is MOST important. Then from there, every commitment I am tempted to make, I have to ask myself if it supports my top priority. This year it is my business and my children. When you ask the question, it should be a 2-5 second response. The immediate answer is the right answer. Follow that for awhile and I promise you will weed out a lot of unnecessary commitments and stress in life. Treat your life and your commitments as though you are doing the Marie Kondo method on your excess yesses and stresses!!!!
Finally, and this seems to be the tough one for many of us, stop suffering alone. It is not necessary. There are too many trained professionals to help you navigate this ever-growing stressful world we live in. You never have to feel this way again. I mean it. Stop suffering and ask for help. You deserve it. Don’t just say you need help, actually take the steps necessary to gain that help and watch yourself drop much of the self-inflicted stress and anxiety I see so many people suffering with. I will never regret the day I picked up the phone and asked for help. Being brave enough to admit I couldn’t do it anymore was one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever given myself. If you are suffering, I hope you will give yourself the gift of someone helping you navigate your own choppy waters!
Until Next Time,
